Be Very Careful What you Pray for......

I always wanted to be different, unique, march to the beat of my own drum. I always found it difficult to be a follower for me it wasn't who I was. Nor was I comfortable. I am vulnerable for I am only human. I may let things fly out of my mouth as perhaps not thinking before hand. My spine might not always be iron clad. But this is me. This is who "MY" God created me to be. This is what I prayed for, I wanted and welcomed to be different. To allow myself to listen to my intuition and what makes me happy. No one fucking made me who I am and no one can take that away from me. I did this along with my faith and my willingness to have hope in the unknown. I am not a preacher, I am not a converter this is just who I am. You can spit in my face, you can laugh at me. You can do all these things and possibly try to make me feel as if I am worthless or wasting my energy. Try to destroy that as you wish but it is nothing as it seems. I can be a lamb and a lion. For you have no clue of anything I have been through, what I have witnessed in my life. The years I have taken care of people without motive. That I did it out of compassion and empathy. Do not mistake my kindness in anyway for stupidity. Non of it that I have given up or experienced good or bad would I take back. Because in the secret compartments of my life are hidden journals hundreds in fact in which I documented times in my life when inspiration took over. The inspiration was not only my own life but people with whom I have encountered and their experiences . It has made me the expressive person I am and I am so insanely proud of. The price I pay for this is what perhaps makes me perpetually lonely. Because the people around me don't appreciate,understand? intimated ? Not sure. Though at times I feel lonely in rooms of crowed people. I feel lonely even in relationships with family, friends and men. Expressive and passionate people usually live lives that way. I wouldn't have it any other way. In my life, I want to live to what pleases me- not others. I don't ever want to look back at my life and be miserable that I adhered to what others thought was better for me. Or what the " norm " is. Who is to say what normal is anyways. If your not interested in what I witness in my life or to walk along the journey with me then please don't waste your time. I am very comfortable with silences. I rather be that person alone, happy , enjoying every moment that I breathe and most of all (repetitive) marching to the beat of my own drum. I always can guarantee adventure and most of all I will keep your head spinning. I know mine always is. I like it that way. It makes life more interesting.

1 comment:

  1. Marching to the beat of your own drum, ya think! That is what makes you baby and I love you for it. I am your # 1 cheerleader.+ ruffled panties haha.