It has nothing to do with anything. It will not make sense. It is my own process. I will not ask for your forgiveness because it is my life to do with it as I will. My spirituality teaches me to that I have free will. Free will to be good to myself and to others even if it means taking some form of slight vilification. I understand completely how others are mistrustful,skeptical,perhaps even suspicious. I learned a very long time ago not everyone is going to love you. I don't need to discuss topics that make me uncomfortable. I can speak my mind freely.I have the will to move on. With time knowledge and wisdom have been callous even at times ruthless, but kind to me and that is with humble frankness. I have always taken to autodidactism. Even having academic schooling. I have absorbed more from life,faith, books, tokens, friendships, lovers, and relationships that carry me through my everyday life. I can make decisions with at times a fog not hovering over my head.I am not shackled. I am not afraid but I am fearful. I am only fearful of never losing myself fully. I at this stage in the game I anticipate nothing,other than the breaths I take. Anything else after that is bestowal. With everyday I awake either to a misty rain covered city, or a sunshine filled backyard sheltered by billowing trees. The melodic sounds of the blaring traffic or a sanctuary for birds I am thankful. Thankful that I am the person I have become. I have created a life for myself with the magnanimous support of my family and friends. I will not make excuses and I will not lie. I will tell you the truth if it rips my heart from the cavity of my chest. In the end it will make you stronger fulfilled, enlightened and it will teach you that only you can save yourself. You are all you have in the end.