Epithet

I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny
I want loads of clothes and fuck loads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them

I’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
Cause everyone knows that’s how you get famous
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah I’m on to a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear
Cause I’m being taken over by the fear

Life’s about film stars and less about mothers
It’s all about fast cars and passing each other
But it doesn’t matter cause I’m packing plastic
and that’s what makes my life so fucking fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
and its not my fault it’s how I’m program to function
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah I’m on to a winner

Forget about guns and forget ammunition

Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
Now everything is cool as long as I’m getting thinner -/ LAF/

HELP......

"I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls."— Anaïs Nin

Be Very Careful What you Pray for......

I always wanted to be different, unique, march to the beat of my own drum. I always found it difficult to be a follower for me it wasn't who I was. Nor was I comfortable. I am vulnerable for I am only human. I may let things fly out of my mouth as perhaps not thinking before hand. My spine might not always be iron clad. But this is me. This is who "MY" God created me to be. This is what I prayed for, I wanted and welcomed to be different. To allow myself to listen to my intuition and what makes me happy. No one fucking made me who I am and no one can take that away from me. I did this along with my faith and my willingness to have hope in the unknown. I am not a preacher, I am not a converter this is just who I am. You can spit in my face, you can laugh at me. You can do all these things and possibly try to make me feel as if I am worthless or wasting my energy. Try to destroy that as you wish but it is nothing as it seems. I can be a lamb and a lion. For you have no clue of anything I have been through, what I have witnessed in my life. The years I have taken care of people without motive. That I did it out of compassion and empathy. Do not mistake my kindness in anyway for stupidity. Non of it that I have given up or experienced good or bad would I take back. Because in the secret compartments of my life are hidden journals hundreds in fact in which I documented times in my life when inspiration took over. The inspiration was not only my own life but people with whom I have encountered and their experiences . It has made me the expressive person I am and I am so insanely proud of. The price I pay for this is what perhaps makes me perpetually lonely. Because the people around me don't appreciate,understand? intimated ? Not sure. Though at times I feel lonely in rooms of crowed people. I feel lonely even in relationships with family, friends and men. Expressive and passionate people usually live lives that way. I wouldn't have it any other way. In my life, I want to live to what pleases me- not others. I don't ever want to look back at my life and be miserable that I adhered to what others thought was better for me. Or what the " norm " is. Who is to say what normal is anyways. If your not interested in what I witness in my life or to walk along the journey with me then please don't waste your time. I am very comfortable with silences. I rather be that person alone, happy , enjoying every moment that I breathe and most of all (repetitive) marching to the beat of my own drum. I always can guarantee adventure and most of all I will keep your head spinning. I know mine always is. I like it that way. It makes life more interesting.

Journey Of Spirits.....

Shave

Eyes opened slight groggy from the those magic pink pills she takes before sleeps. Unsteadily stepped out of bed, feet touching the stool to avoid falling on the floor from her unusually high mattress. She has a quirk that her bed must be raised. Must be a Princess and the Pea complex. Glancing over at the clock it was a bit after 5:30am. She walks out into the hallway, a pink glare of light is streaming from underneath the bathroom door. Gently she knocks on the door. " I'm just shaving darling, you can come in. "
Never invade someone private space. She is delighted they share the same etiquette. She opens the door, he was shirtless,hair wet, towel draped around his waist. The sound of the water running in the sink sounded like the ocean. She was entirely to relaxed and mildly half asleep. She sat on the vanity counter top as he examined his face in the mirror behind her. " Good morning " still staring at himself in the mirror. "Why are you awake, I didn't disturb you did I? " he asked in a low whisper. Pulling her knees to her chin,then stretching her arms in the air. " No " she was interrupted by a yawn. "I just woke up for some reason " She continued. " What time is your meeting? " " It's at 10:15. I want to avoid as much traffic as I can." he replied as he picked up the razor running it under the warm water. Placing it on the towel next to him. He picks up his tube of shaving cream, the top makes an odd clicking noise as he opens it. She takes it out of his hand and squeezes the tube of cream onto her palm. She rubs the cream together to create friction for warmth so it won't be so cold when it touches his face.
His eyes are fixated on what she is doing he glances up at her occasionally. Placing her hand on his face she covers his now 5 o'clock shadow.He just smiles and says nothing. He leans up against the vanity where she is sitting. Dropping her legs around him. She picks up the razor in her hands and slowly glides it upward on his cheek.It makes a sharp slithering sound as it smooths his cheek. Letting the water shower the razor to remove all the excess creme and stubble.Her hair falls to the side of her face, he places his hands on either side of her face pulling her hair back. He ties it with ribbon he found in the drawer. She stares at him while he is putting his everything into tying a bow to keep her hair in place. He looks at her smiles brightly and leans into her face. His nose touching hers, all she could feel was his skin and his breath which was scented like peppermint. They sat for what seemed like minutes. Until he finally leaned her lips onto his.A teasing soft kiss she then placed. She leaned back and continued shaving. She then reached over for a clean towel and let the warm water absorb.Removing the excess water she places it on the skin of his face. Gently she removes all the superfluous cream keeping the warmth on his skin. She prefers him with some facial hair but for today's meeting he needed to be not only dapper but charming. He was preparing his game face. He stared at her intently as he usually does. His thoughts are so deep. She can see it in his eyes. He is not like any man she has ever met. He is so confident but in such a fetching manner that it's not at all narcissistic. Enclosing her legs around his waist pulling him closer to her. His face almost touching hers as she leans back into the mirror. Eyes shut, the sounds of inhaling and exhaling speeding up into slight pants. She placed her hand on his head, hand gripping his hair. Reaching to touch her lips with his.She pulls him back still their faces slightly touching. Moving his lips slightly " Darling " He whispered now placing his hands on either sides of her face pulling her to his lips. " What " she was interrupted by his lip movements. " Did you want to ask me something " " No, she said, I just wanted to kiss you it was a moment " He sheepishly laughed. Now gripping his hands around her waist never removing his eyes from hers. She leaned in and slide her tongue upward and around his upper lip. His breathing continued to get heavy. He let out a slight moan when he avowed her name. Lowering his hands to the bottom of her nightgown placing his hands underneath to reach the bare skin of her thighs. His hands glided softly but with a sense of urgency. Gripping her hips, pulling her closer so his stomach is touching hers. Glaring from the upper lids of his eye while his head is tilted down. Turning his face to engage in moments of wet, warm, kisses. He nuzzled his face into her neck, hair now falling out from the bow he so perfectly tried to tie. Hands on his shoulders rubbing slowly back and forth never saying a word or making a sound. He was feverish, his long fingers wrinkling her nightgown upward. Leaning backwards again, he pulled her flowing gown over her hips and placed his hands underneath her slightly lifting her in the air. As she reached the end of the vanity,head still leaning against the mirror. He devoured her. All though there are moments in life that are almost to difficult to bare. The moments of pleasure are what carries you through. Placing on his suit she reached around his crisp collar shirt and placed on his tie. While he put on his cuff links, she tied still sitting on the vanity. She kissed him fiercely.
" Good luck today darling " She whispered against his lips. " Have a wonderful day " placing her hand on his face. " So far it has started off perfectly baby " kissing her again. " Thank you love" his smile was illuminating. " No thank you " She sternly replied. He walked down the stairs and headed for the car that was waiting to take him safely to his destination.

FORSAKEN.

I often wonder if people really listen when they ask questions? I have nothing to hide. I will answer within reason. If people hide, there is a direct purpose for it.They might think it's challenging but it's just a bore. Then I loose interest and it's just a distant memory.Perhaps it saves me the trouble if I find it out early rather than later. I will be the first person to laugh at myself. But I will not join in your efforts of making my life your entertainment. Be paranoid that I am directing this towards you. Be very aware that I am always two steps ahead. You might think you are manipulating the situation to your own benefit but it is not so. I am keenly aware of the conversations that go in different directions because you want to hide, keep it locked away in a box that you share with many others when in fact I should be one of those people, but I am not. What am I getting out of it you ask. Well if I were an actor more than likely one of those sparkly gold godly looking statues. And of course I am getting fabulous writing material.
Do you have a clue that at times more than I wish to, I fall to my knees and weep?I can be so strong, faithful and down right determined when I want to. Then the other times as I sob, I keep to myself. Because you couldn't handle how I feel, what I feel, what I deal with, how I deal with it.More importantly I think you care and I truly believe you feel you do but in reality it is not so.I don't think you are capable. I will not be a convenience, and I most certainly will not bow down to make you feel better. I will not reassure you. If you are unsure of yourself, it's not my problem. Because I am it frightens you so the only way you can deal is to share with others? There is with most a hidden agenda. I could not possibly be that type of a person. I would not be able to rest my head at night. I wanted so much more, I need so much more at times. Where have you been? Hiding, I thought you were different but the more I witness the more I know you are just like all the rest. I can lump you into that category because you don't really listen. You aren't really there. It's bizarre that I feel the way I do, you might think so. I do not need to be rescued, ridiculed or even responsive anymore. One day you might feel the wrath of my disappearance. How disappointed you might be in my reaction. Though I would not want you not to know of my feelings since you never really ever bothered to ask. Here it is all spelled out in black and white. I am a mess, I put MYSELF back together. I fall apart, I pick up the pieces MYSELF. That's OK with me not a complaint for I know I am the only one who can do what it is that I do. I feel sorry that you won't stand next to me and bare witness to my existence in a supportive manor. Maybe you are just to wrapped up in your own head to even care. Maybe I am the one that is the fool, the jester in your twisted plan.I am not sure of any of the reasons, but my questions have gone unanswered, certain actions have not been fulfilled. I am starting to think my impression of you is something I created in my own mind to make it all seem colorful, and so bright. Shutting me out, keeping me out and not allowing me to see you, when that is what I offered to you. I hope it continues to work for you because it's not for me and that 1 foot is almost out the door. Quick you better hurry get your act together open those eyes and clear out your ears. For my entertaining ways are about to end. Make of it what you will but it's all you now.I couldn't possibly deal with another issue at this point. So I shall keep a smile on my face to mask my emotions , to mask my feelings so that your life can continue in a path that I won't continue with you, along side you, behind you or in front of you. You just won't be in the picture. Golden word of advice. Zoning out, and hiding out will get you NO where but A.L.O.N.E. xoxo

Elitist Heritage

My friend has problems with winter and autumn they give him prescriptions they shine bright lights on him
They say it's genetic, they say he can't help it, they say you can catch it - but sometimes you're born with it.
My friend has blight, he gets shakes in the night and they say that there's no way that they could have caught it in
Time takes his toll on him it is traditional, it is inherited predispositional
All day I've been wondering what is inside of me who can I blame for it?

I say it runs in the family this family that carries me to such great lengths, to open my legs up to anyone who'll have me
It runs in the family I come by it honestly do what you want 'cause who knows it might fill me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Fill me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up

My friend's depressed she's a wreck she's a mess they've done all sorts of tests and they guess it has something to do with her grandmother's grandfather's grandmother civil war soldiers who badly infected her
My friend has maladies, rickets, and allergies that she dates back to the 17th century
Somehow she manages - in her misery - strips in the city and shares all her best tricks with
Me? Well I'm well. Well I mean I'm in hell. Well, I still have my health
(At least that's what they tell me)
If wellness is this what in hells name is sickness?
But business is business and BUSINESS

Runs in the family we tend to bruise easily bad in the blood I'm telling you 'cause I just want you to know me - know me and my family we're wonderful folks, but don't get too close to me 'cause you might knock me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Knock me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up

Mary have mercy now look what I've done but don't blame me because I can't tell where I come from and
Running is something that we've always done well and mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from
I run from their pity, from responsibility, run from the country, and run from the city
I can run from the law, I can run from myself, I can run for my life, I can run into debt
I can run from it all, I can run 'til I'm gone, I can run for the office, and run from the cause
I can run using every last ounce of energy
I cannot, I cannot, I cannot

Run from my family they're hiding inside of me
Corpses on ice
Come in if you like but just don't tell
My family they'd never forgive me, they'd say that I'm crazy but they would say anything if it would
Shut me up
Shut me up
Shut me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Shut me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up- Amanda Palmer




Cannot sleep one of those horrid girly months that keeps me awake all FUCKING night.
http://cynicalmarvel.blogspot.com/2009/12/succor.html