Yin-Yang

Please allow me to introduce myself

I'm a woman of wealth and taste

I've been around for a long, long year

Stole many a man's soul and faith

And I was 'round when Jesus Christ

Had his moment of doubt and pain

Made damn sure that Pilate

Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my name

But what's puzzling you

Is the nature of my game

I stuck around St. Petersburg

When I saw it was a time for a change

Killed the Czar and his ministers

Anastasia screamed in vain

I rode a tank

Held a general's rank

When the Blitzkrieg raged

And the bodies stank

I watched with glee

While your kings and queens

Fought for ten decades

For the gods they made

I shouted out,

"Who killed the Kennedy's?"

When after all

It was you and me

Let me please introduce myself

I'm a woman of wealth and taste

And I laid traps for troubadours

Who get killed before they reached Bombay

Pleased to meet you

Hope you guessed my name,

But what's puzzling you

Is the nature of my game,

Just as every cop is a criminal

And all the sinners saints

As heads is tails

Just call me Lucifer

'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

So if you meet me

Have some courtesy

Have some sympathy, have some taste

Use all your well-learned politesse

Or I'll lay your soul to waste.

Pleased to meet you

Hope you guessed my name,

Tell me baby, what's my name

Tell me honey, can ya guess my name

Tell me baby, what's my name

I tell you one time, you're to blame

What's my name

Tell me, baby, what's my name

Tell me, sweetie, what's my name

-SFTD -MJ..KR need I say more.

Provocateur Chameleon

And the sky was made of amethyst And all the stars were just like little fish You should learn when to go You should learn how to say no Might last a day Mine is forever Might last a day, Mine is forever When they get what they want, they never want it again Go on, take everything, take everything, I want you to And the sky was all violet. I wanna give my violet more violence. And I'm the one with no soul One above and one below Might last a day Mine is forever Might last a day, yeah Mine is forever When they get what they want, they never want it again Go on, take everything take everything I want you to Go on, take everything take everything I dare you to
I told you from the start just how this would end When I get what I want I never want it again- CL/H

What are you thinking?

"It's not the matter of the men that have been in my life. It's simply about the life in the men themselves." Moi

Superfical Smoker

Sunset

Blessed Be

Tomorrow I may fly away....

Why ?... You must move on....

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
It's easier to run
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It's easier to go
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave -lp

Bleu

What is it you think about? How difficult it must have been for you. For you to witness all of this. I know what you think of me, and truthfully I delight in it. It couldn't possibly be anything bad for the actions you have show have spoken louder than any words. I am glad you remember. I am glad that you are still thinking. The days of olives groves and golf at midnight. The readings of Hemingway, the lights that lead the path. The smoke after 4am and the jugs of wine that sat next to the table outside the bedroom terrace. How lovely of a memory for you to have. The candles that lit, the streams of moon glow and the cool night air that came through the window. For I am flattered that I left such an impression. But then again how could I not have. I have the picture to remember.

FORSAKEN.

I often wonder if people really listen when they ask questions? I have nothing to hide. I will answer within reason. If people hide, there is a direct purpose for it.They might think it's challenging but it's just a bore. Then I loose interest and it's just a distant memory.Perhaps it saves me the trouble if I find it out early rather than later. I will be the first person to laugh at myself. But I will not join in your efforts of making my life your entertainment. Be paranoid that I am directing this towards you. Be very aware that I am always two steps ahead. You might think you are manipulating the situation to your own benefit but it is not so. I am keenly aware of the conversations that go in different directions because you want to hide, keep it locked away in a box that you share with many others when in fact I should be one of those people, but I am not. What am I getting out of it you ask. Well if I were an actor more than likely one of those sparkly gold godly looking statues. And of course I am getting fabulous writing material.
Do you have a clue that at times more than I wish to, I fall to my knees and weep?I can be so strong, faithful and down right determined when I want to. Then the other times as I sob, I keep to myself. Because you couldn't handle how I feel, what I feel, what I deal with, how I deal with it.More importantly I think you care and I truly believe you feel you do but in reality it is not so.I don't think you are capable. I will not be a convenience, and I most certainly will not bow down to make you feel better. I will not reassure you. If you are unsure of yourself, it's not my problem. Because I am it frightens you so the only way you can deal is to share with others? There is with most a hidden agenda. I could not possibly be that type of a person. I would not be able to rest my head at night. I wanted so much more, I need so much more at times. Where have you been? Hiding, I thought you were different but the more I witness the more I know you are just like all the rest. I can lump you into that category because you don't really listen. You aren't really there. It's bizarre that I feel the way I do, you might think so. I do not need to be rescued, ridiculed or even responsive anymore. One day you might feel the wrath of my disappearance. How disappointed you might be in my reaction. Though I would not want you not to know of my feelings since you never really ever bothered to ask. Here it is all spelled out in black and white. I am a mess, I put MYSELF back together. I fall apart, I pick up the pieces MYSELF. That's OK with me not a complaint for I know I am the only one who can do what it is that I do. I feel sorry that you won't stand next to me and bare witness to my existence in a supportive manor. Maybe you are just to wrapped up in your own head to even care. Maybe I am the one that is the fool, the jester in your twisted plan.I am not sure of any of the reasons, but my questions have gone unanswered, certain actions have not been fulfilled. I am starting to think my impression of you is something I created in my own mind to make it all seem colorful, and so bright. Shutting me out, keeping me out and not allowing me to see you, when that is what I offered to you. I hope it continues to work for you because it's not for me and that 1 foot is almost out the door. Quick you better hurry get your act together open those eyes and clear out your ears. For my entertaining ways are about to end. Make of it what you will but it's all you now.I couldn't possibly deal with another issue at this point. So I shall keep a smile on my face to mask my emotions , to mask my feelings so that your life can continue in a path that I won't continue with you, along side you, behind you or in front of you. You just won't be in the picture. Golden word of advice. Zoning out, and hiding out will get you NO where but A.L.O.N.E. xoxo

Abode, Find me @ my new address

I wish I could fit inside this tiny little cottage. Just me, by myself. With a paint brush, an easel, bottle or two of red, and a cozy blanket. Perhaps I could peek out the window once and a while.

Nunchaku

"I like to look good, that makes me a tease. I enjoy a great meal, that makes me a pig. I like to get off, that makes me a slut. I like to be treated with respect,does that really make me a man-hating dyke. Trust me really, I have no problem being labeled a bitch."

"I was thought to be 'stuck up.' I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure."-- Bette Davis

Graced

Narrator: For Tom Hansen, this was the night where everything changed. That wall Summer so often hid behind - the wall of distance, of space, of casual - that wall was slowly coming down. For here was Tom, in her world... a place few had been invited to see with their own eyes. And here was Summer, wanting him there. Him, no one else.

---

Narrator: As he listened, Tom began to realize that these stories weren't routinely told. These were stories one had to earn. He could feel the wall coming down. He wondered if anyone else had made it this far. Which is why the next six words changed everything.
Summer: I've never told anybody that before.
Tom: I guess I'm not just anybody.

Obstacle

My week seemed to drag. Monotonous, just the hours and days that pass by. This week I have a lack of strength, not of courage, just patience and energy. I delight in taking care and making people happy. To give them perhaps a slight bit of encouragement to be the best for the day. Though I am finding trouble in myself. Sometimes it would be nice to just have my mind rest. To have someone say. It's all taken care of, you need to not want or do anything. I got it covered. And it gets done. They aren't just words. I have beyond the means to give. But I am struggling to keep my head above water.I always try to keep a bright and cheerful face, but inside I just want to suffocate myself when I get like this. I cannot rely on anyone to save me,to carry me , to take me out of my own mind. Though I must admit it would be nice for a moment.NO ONE understands until they find there selves faced with a situation completely out of their comfort zone. It makes me stronger. When I find my way out. But I wonder does anyone really listen anymore? Does it really even matter?

"How high, does it make a difference?
Nothing lasts forever
Should I, will it matter when I'm gone?
Will any of this matter?

How high are the stakes?
How much fortune can you make?
Should I carry on?
Will it matter when I'm gone?" - M

Je suis désolée

"This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie 'The Graduate'. The girl, Summer Finn of Shinnecock, Michigan, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing. Tom meets Summer on January 8th. He knows almost immediately she is who he has been searching for. This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story." 500 days of summer

Superficial......

I cannot remember a time for which you didn't suffer from my words, my actions and perhaps my being. Maybe it's you that isn't good and not me. In life there are victims and masters. There are those who always see things that happen to them as difficulties they cannot over come.Woe is me.Rather than seeing it as a perhaps this is something to change and not have a repeat of. Ask yourself this question, which one are you? I won't follow you, I might walk beside you. But I will always lead my own path.

In my world you wouldn't say Meow you would say Yes, Miss A

And my day consisted of day dreaming, mostly humming the tune....


My head hurts,I turned off the phone. I wanted to turn off everything. My mind, my heart, my soul. Just check out. But in my ivory tower I can do that. Not in my reality. Sometimes I wonder if life didn't have "these" moments. How ever in the world would we ever appreciate the moments that steal our breath away in a joyous,elated,exciting, thrilling second.Those that you yearn for and crave for. For now I revert at the wee hours of the morning to being in my own world in an ivory tower. Forgive me for today I am useless to myself. My forgiveness I ask is of myself. For my effortless and patience needs to be recharged.I shall only be able to rescue myself for that is all I know.

TURN OFF and RUNAWAY.

Mary have mercy now look what I've done but don't blame me because I can't tell where I come from and
Running is something that we've always done well and mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from
I run from their pity, from responsibility, run from the country, and run from the city
I can run from the law, I can run from myself, I can run for my life, I can run into debt
I can run from it all, I can run 'til I'm gone, I can run for the office, and run from the cause
I can run using every last ounce of energy
I cannot, I cannot, I cannot - AP


PLEASE turn the switch off in my head. I cannot take it anymore...........

Gumption & Grace..........

Find it, use it , swear by it.

Leap..........Are you listening?

" Those who have faith need no explanation, for those who have no faith,no explanation is possible" Unknown.